The Out Takes

There have been a few tales to share during the Tauranga Arts Fest, that I could not possibly divulge at the time for fear of the repercussions. Then I decided I'd sneak them in right at the end in the form of an 'Out takes' blog.

On the opening evening, I discovered a toothpaste stain on my right breast. It would've been ok, but the dress was navy. Why does toothpaste always drop on dark coloured clothing while you're wearing it and why does it have to resemble seagull crap? I think toothpaste is secretly in cahoots with dropping toast on the buttered side down and poppy seed hiding in between front two teeth all day.

From the file of things that you don't really want to discover about your own physical appearance.... Whilst applying mascara, I found out that I have one nostril twice the size of the other. It's like one side greedily sucked the life out of the other. I'm not sure who I'm going to blame for this genetic malfunction, but I am guessing that having an over zealous nostril has enhanced my snorting while laughing capabilities.

My high school days came back to haunt me with at least one teacher at what felt like every show. I'm not sure whether the universe is trying to grade me on my life, or whether this is an evil reminder that I left school 12 years ago.

There was the guitarist who rocked back and forth while rhythmically strumming. From side on, he looked like he was making love to his instrument. Once I realised I wondered if all muso's clearly loved their performance.

I was sitting next to a woman during a play one evening. As she opened her water bottle, it spouted like a whale onto her and her friend. I bit my tongue. It's always funny when it happens to someone else.

I've been in the presence of some interesting inhalers. There have been the deep heavy breathers that sound like they are about to pounce upon you in a horror film, the nasally breathers who sound like they are awake snoring and a mutterer who had his own running review under his breath. And not to forget the laughter, anything from cackles to snorters, and hooters to honkers (including my own over-sized laughter amid the obvious quietness).

I dropped my pen during a show at Baycourt and lost it. You wouldn't normally think this was a big deal until I had to ferret around and find its replacement. Flashing pen with dangly bits gifted to me in a Korean restaurant in Hong Kong. Not the most secretive writing utensil will trying to scribe in a dark theatre.

My most favourite outfit witnessed was a grandma wearing a black sparkly number finished off with silver sequined sneakers. That woman is my elderly style icon.

There was the great flying food spectacle, as a tray of fresh fruit met its demise on the floor. I did have much empathy for that poor girl serving it. When I was a waitress, I went to serve a customer only to have their freshly battered fish fly off the plate right past the agape mouths and onto the floor.

And finally early on into the Arts Fest, I left a the Palace with beautiful music playing in my mind until I walked past a bar with karaoke being thrust upon anyone in earshot. I looked in to see a larger woman singing... Hmmm, it really was over.